Stuttering and breaking the cycle of self-isolation

A person who stutters knows what it means to feel alone and rejected. To feel different and misunderstood. To suffer in the dark. I've been struggling with this feeling for as long as I can remember. For each and every one of us, it follows the same pattern, almost to a tee.

We talk and face rejection or mockery or both, which causes tremendous discomfort. Our brain cements this bad experience in order to avoid it later. You do that a few thousand times and you shape an entire personality based on avoidance, anxiety, doubt, which in turn add fuel to the fire that is stuttering. A vicious cycle.

To put it bluntly, we simply don't want to suffer any longer, so we run away from potentially painful experiences : talking to people, forming bonds, and experiencing all life has to offer. All because of that damn stutter… right ?

But lately I've been wondering if things weren't so simple. It's easy to put the blame on our stutter. We like having a clear enemy, someone or something to point out. But what if our stutter, instead of being the main culprit, was just another consequence of something else entirely ?

From there, you start shifting the blame again and again : your parents, society, genetics, bad luck… until there is no one and nothing else but you.

Here's a harsh truth : we chose to isolate ourselves, to avoid people, to hide. Nobody forced us. We could have done things differently, but we didn't. Our brain is funny that way : it will always choose to run away instead of facing things head on.

We need to get rid of this victim mentality and start taking accountability : we made our own hell. We let all these negative thoughts get the better of us and shape a toxic mindset. We may not have caused our stutter in the first place, but we're the reason it's still lingering on.

What's good about this is that it goes full circle. I now know my enemy. It's me. And like an advice straight from a Sun Tzu book, knowing your enemy is winning the battle. If you can predict what the enemy will do, you can know what is the best move.

Among many things : taking responsibility, letting the past behind, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and flawed, but above all else ; breaking the cycle.

How so ? Well, what about doing the opposite of what the enemy would do. Instead of pushing people away, draw them in, and see how it goes.