The self-improvement grind and its consequences

Self-improvement is the worst thing that could happen to you. Alright, maybe not the worst, but it's certainly up there.

In my opinion, life is like trying to go from point A to point B. There are the people who consume self-improvement products, and those who don't.

First, think about it : how many books have you read ? How many youtube videos have you watched ? How many 2-hours long podcasts have you listened to ? Did those really move the needle ?

They probably didn't. And even if they did, they are certainly not worth the effort. I've bought so many self-improvement books I could build a house made of paper with it. Yet, my life didn't improve as a result. It actually got worse.

I remember I read this book a long time ago about how to fix my stutter. This book was so long and so complex. It felt like reading a college essay. The author offered a staggering amount of breathing, mental exercises. I didn't know where to start. So many "deep" concepts with buzzwords all over the place. It was overwhelming to say the least. But I still studied, took notes, memorized it all like it was some kind of school test. Then I went out, talked to people, putting my newfound knowledge into action.

Every interaction felt like running a marathon : I had to breathe the right way, talk like a robot, vibrate my vocal chords in a specific manner.

What ended up happening was that it turned every person into a test subject, every misstep as a terrible failure, every interaction as a life or death situation. All these tricks were supposed to make me a more "social" person, make me a better talker, but they just made me hate talking even more.

It was like taking medicine that only exacerbated the symptoms. You keep taking them because you hope it's part of the process and someday you'll be cured. But it never happens.

The truth was, the harder I tried to fix my stutter, to become more of a "social" person, the more resilient my stutter got, and the more anxious and depressed I felt.

For comparison, I have a buddy of mine who probably never read a single self-improvement book. He couldn't care less about all of this mambo-jumbo. He just doesn't think too hard about things. Yet, he lives a fulfilling life, with his dream job, a girl at his arm, in another country. Do you think he followed a "Social Optimization Framework" ? Of course not.

To circle back to my metaphor, in order to get to B, I unwillingly chose the hardest road. The road with hardships, detours and obstacles. My friend ? He didn't bother. He just went straight ahead. I'm still walking, while my friend is already heading to C.

It's that simple, really. My friend didn't clutter his mind with unnecessary information. Life is complicated as it is, why make it even more difficult ? Do I really need to read a 500+ page book to know that I need to breathe better, talk more slowly and stop overthinking ? Do I really need to watch these long youtube videos to know that it's important to stay healthy and be a good person ?

Do we really need to overcomplicate things with to-do lists and 12 step processes ? Or should we simply enjoy the moment and take things one step at a time ?

That's why I don't really consume self-improvement content anymore. Instead, I aim to make things as simple as possible. Did it improve my life ? I wouldn't say so. But it certainly didn't make it worse, and that's a step in the right direction.